Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Crisis of Faith- Why life is as unfair as it gets

Why such a morbid title? well I havent slept properly in 3 days, I have been crying my eyes out, and I can't seem to get myself together.

My good friends Fiance, who is also a good friend, is missing, presumed dead. He most probably went to save one of the autistic children in his care. Lord knows that he would be the person to risk his life for those children.

This is why I cry. This is why I have been asking myself why someone who is probably the best human being in our lives, and not some low life tosser. There are so many bad people in this world, why him.

They had only just really become engaged. I remember how happy she was, how she reconed that she had to drop massive hints, along with his and her family. But it finally happened on a short holiday to bruny. It was so terrific.
I remember having one of the best times going out for dinner with the two of them, what a joker he was and how i have never felt as relaxed and laughed as much as i have that time. I remember running into him at zone three, and nearly breaking my arm because he was such a giant guy, and him apologising and asking if i was alright, even though we were on different teams. I remember play bitching with him about how all we ever heard from our partners was about work, and how we knew everything that ever happened there thanks to them.

I remember how we joked at the christmas dinner, because we didnt get anything from secret santa. He was such a friendly guy.

She loved him, we loved him, and i dont know any person his life touched that didnt love him.

So why him?

I will never truly believe he is gone, not until the very end. I wont, I cant.

I cant even do my normal life, everything makes me cry, and people dont seem to understand.

I cant function not until i know.

Sorry that I havent blogged for a long time, and that this blog is a sad and painful one.

I really need my friends right now.

Love Lilly


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