Thursday, February 09, 2006

Metrosexual, Rankosexual? WTF?

What ever happened to just plain being homosexual or heterosexual? (not forgetting the poor forgotten misunderstood Bisexuals)

Ok, ok i will give in the the fact that the word "metrosexual" was a pretty funny and correct way to describe the influx of wet look hair gelafied, pink upturned collar shirted, funnysmelling, tight black jean wearing, moisturising men... But come on...

Alot of my friends at the time period we shall know as "the metro era" were all against it, reconed that anyone stupid enough to go for that look deserved to be beaten, stabbed, raped whatnot. but i caught on to what they were up to early on, As i have always been a big promoter to guys that have inquired to me, "how come you just sneeze and the girlies come flocking?" to which i have repield "im pretty sure if you were gay, or at least said you were gay, you would have tonnes more female friends hanging off you, and a man surrounded by giggling girlies is a must for any girls trophy shelf."

And add all of these variables together, subtract the actual homosexual feelings, and there you have it, a massive influx of "metrosexuals"

See what happens when you tell the secret of female "fishing", soon after, every bloody tom dick and sergieay knows about it.

so i publicly apologise, im sorry to you all for that era, i think it was all my fault. but you have to believe me, i had no idea that they would be stupid enough to actually try to pull it off, let alone in record numbers.

i also apologise for the fact that i am doped up to the eyeballs on panadiene forte, i think i had to much, on an empty stomach. with coke zero. i apologise for using the words "coke zero" in my blog too, please dont take offence.

Now to continue my rant, i was reading a magazine in my lunch break, cause i didnt really want to spend my lunch hour actually talking to anyone, that, and how can you say no to a magazine called Chik? i ask you!?

Well in my reading, i came across an article on "rankosexuals" apparently, the metrosexual era has drowned in its wetlook hairgell, and is now floating around face down and decomposing at a substantual rate. and what , you ask , has sprung up to take its place? the aptly named, "rankosexual" now im not sure if any of you were subjected to the governments top range of visual and audio torture, a.k.a Big brother 2005. but a "rankosexual" is pretty much that guy who was scoring with all the chicks, but not telling them all about eachother, whilst being a totall wanker around the guys, bragging and making bets like the women were peices of meat to be fought over like rabid dogs.

Now i never actually witnessed this atrocity against life as we know it. so i cant really say much, but i have noticed lately the rise in the testosterone in the air around me.

I remember a day, back when, when people actually dated, and were all cuddly, and smuggly and smushy and pink.

Lately, all i have noticed is the rise of requests of one night stands, feeling ups and "perving". Now i had to giggle at the word Perving, cause whenever i say it, i am thrown back to the year of 1997 when my girlfriends and i would "perv" on the hot guys in the swim team, football team, soccer team, anything male really. to perve would mean sneaking a glance in their direction and giggling like schoolgirl on crack if they caught your eye.

I really dont care about this topic. i just wanna take bets on when this faze will die, and what new atrocity will spring up and take its place.... im already grinning like an idiot when i think about it. i recon a new species of man will arise, half man, half fish. wait no, we cant have that, that would mean that the metrosexuals would come back, cause then they could survive the wet look hair gel (wouldnt it be funny if they link that hair gell with impotence in the future?)

HAHAHA! or maybe a new version of the metrosexual would arise, called the mummysboysexual. use your hyper imagination on that one! or perhaps, the interlectualsexual? that one has my vote. the philisophicalsexual? the celebatorysexual? OR god forbid, the Religioussexual. i would spend the next 3 years in upper mongolia till that one passed if it ever spawned upon this earth.

I give up, i think i will just sit back, and collect the whole set. and wait around for the "doeverythinginmypowertomakeyouhappyandsatisfiedsexual" mmmmmm that will be a good year.

well, im sick of talking shit now. i hope you get a laugh out of it, cause i sure will in a days time when i remember i did it.

Have a good one, im off to put my new bitesplint to the test. god it makes me look sexy, ill take a picture if someone reminds me.

Miss Lilly Pilly sexual.


ps. i have to publicly apologise, im sorry mister ian, you are not the medium sized billy goat gruff... you are the littlest billy goat gruff. as requested.

Love Lilly pilly who is not screwing up her nose cause im not allowed to anymore.

Oh and pps - im moving in like a week, im scared and i need to install the net down there... im afraid no one will come visit me, and that i will be forgotten DONT FORGET ME!!! DAMN IT!!!!

T.V is gay-o-sexual

Love lilly <3


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